Dear Amazon, Please send another. This one arrived so cracked that even my Sexmagick won't repair it. Thank you, Witching Hour

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BACKDOOR TASK PACKAGE - How Deep And Wide Is Your Love? Make the world a more buttiful place with this 3-pack of digitally delivered Backdoor Tasks to stimulate your backside, prostate and more. You pay for the bundle and they release to you one at a time only after submitting proof that you have accomplished the expectations of each set of instructions. The instructions get increasingly creative in length, width and character. $20.00

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WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS - Grab your vials, and charge for the lemonade. Drinking my lemon juice will not give you the ability to see through walls, nor will it turn your skin yellow. However, it could increase your PQ and it’s a great conversation starter and before bedtime cocktail. Urophagia or amaroli has been practiced for thousands of years, by cultures in Europe, Asia, Mediterranean, Africa and the Americas, among others for health, spiritual, cosmetic and even survival survival for more than 5000 years. It was used to treat sores, scars, burns and insect bites. It was utilized in Tantric religious practices. It was used to whiten teeth and to treat dental diseases. It was also used in traditional medicine and rituals. On long ocean voyages up to the 19th century, when fresh water ran low, urine was consumed. And until the invention of modern test strips, doctors taste tested urine for sweetness to diagnose diabetes. And Urea, a component of urine, can be found in many skin and hair care products because of it moisturizing qualities. This is a package deal. Get a 16 oz bottle filled with lemon fresh squeezins. Packaged safely and discretely. Along with the juice upon purchase, is a 3 pack of tasks delivered digitally, instructing you how to use it. You receive one task at a time and then submit proof of completion before being given the next, until all 3 have been done. $5 extra for video watching the nectar being tapped. Shipping only to Continental United States, $5.95 30.00 USD

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FLATUS RATING So you think you might be the of Flatus (aka fart) Forerunner? Let's put your talent to the test. Send a short audio clip of your performance and it will be rated on a system developed by the Gastric Release Institute that uses a 5 point scale for such qualities as volume, duration, etc. PLEASE DO NOT SEND JARS. The clip will be deleted after evaluation to protect your privacy and trademark, and maybe your reputation. 2.00 USD

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QUEEF SPELLS RELIEF - THIS RATING IS AN ABSOLUTE GAS. Like many inventions, ratings often have to be run as trials, with adjustments made as necessary to correct for deficiencies in the instrument. Based on the submissions received so far, please, if you want a rating, be sure the video camera or cell phone is close enough to your kitty, so that its "meow" is audible enough to rate effectively. Or use a remote mic. So you think you might be the Queen of Queef, the Sass Gas Lass? Put your talent to the test. Send a short vid clip of your performance and it will be rated on a system developed by the Queef Relief Institute that uses a 5 point scale for such qualities as volume/decibels, duration, expressiveness, etc. The vid will be deleted after evaluation to protect your privacy and trademark Queef quarry. Half of the proceeds will go the the Queef Relief Institute's "Queefing As Alternative Energy" research initiatives. SPECIAL TODAY ONLY GET THE QUEEF AND THE FLATULENCE RATING BOTH FOR THE PRICE OF ONE $2

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WHEN 10 OF 12 RECENT PROFILE VISITORS HAVE AN AVATAR AND A BIO...

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UMMMMMM...what new buyers? All I see is stick figures. Or is that the same buyer listed 12 times? Sounds like a case for Shirley and Watson.

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CARNAL CAFFEINE Do you want to get on my better side? Buy me a cup of coffee and then you can here me tell you how I would do any position on the cup with you. 10.00 https://www.allthingsworn.co/listing/coffee-is-foreplay-1

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ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME FOR A KITTICURE?

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In the mood to do an extremely flattering, bordering on worship, dick rating

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SISSY OUTING CHALLENGE PACK (ARE YOU MS. PRISS ENOUGH?) You've been a closet sissy, and you desire to be seen for the femme you are, even if for only a few minutes. Imagine the exhilaration as you step out in your College Cheerleader's outfit, or Nurse's outfit, or maybe even the coveted risqué French Maid's outfit. Here is a 3-pack set of digitally delivered sissy exposure challenges, each with increased exposure of your sissy-self to the world, and interactions with others, moving from more private to more public. You pay for the bundle and they release to you one at a time only after submitting proof that you have accomplished the expectations of each set of instructions and received feedback on your sissy performance. The instructions get increasingly creative and risky, with the capstone as a real achievement in claiming your inner self in public. 20.00

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HAVE ONLY RECENTLY JOINED ATW? OR ARE YOU A SELLER WHO FEELS LIKE YOU'RE IN A RUT? - You can have the merch, but without solid market appeal... All you have is the merch. An attention getting, strong, hot, and sexy profile bio can attract buyers, grab them in the right place, and pull them into your page. With years of creative writing and sales experience, let me put that experience to good use to help you create and highlight your brand in your introductory profile, or a profile makeover. DM about your needs and we'll discuss the details and sliding scale $.

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HAVE ONLY RECENTLY JOINED ATW? OR ARE YOU A SELLER WHO FEELS LIKE YOU'RE IN A RUT? - You can have the merch, but without solid market appeal... All you have is the merch. An attention getting, strong, hot, and sexy profile bio can attract buyers, grab them in the right place, and pull them into your page. With years of creative writing and sales experience, let me put that experience to good use to help you create and highlight your brand in your introductory profile, or a profile makeover. DM about your needs and we'll discuss the details and sliding scale $.

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WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS - Grab your vials, and charge for the lemonade. Drinking my lemon juice will not help you pass your driver's test, nor will it increase your IQ or ATW sales. However, it could increase your PQ and it’s a great conversation starter and before bedtime cocktail. Urophagia or amaroli has been practiced for thousands of years, by cultures in Europe, Asia, Mediterranean, Africa and the Americas, among others for health, spiritual, cosmetic and even survival survival for more than 5000 years. It was used to treat sores, scars, burns and insect bites. It was utilized in Tantric religious practices. It was used to whiten teeth and to treat dental diseases. It was also used in traditional medicine and rituals. On long ocean voyages up to the 19th century, when fresh water ran low, urine was consumed. And until the invention of modern test strips, doctors taste tested urine for sweetness to diagnose diabetes. And Urea, a component of urine, can be found in many skin and hair care products because of it moisturizing qualities. This is a package deal. Get a 16 oz bottle filled with lemon fresh squeezins. Packaged safely and discretely. Along with the juice upon purchase, is a 3 pack of tasks delivered digitally, instructing you how to use it. You receive one task at a time and then submit proof of completion before being given the next, until all 3 have been done. $5 extra for video watching the nectar being tapped. Shipping only to Continental United States, $5.95 30.00 USD

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THE THIEF OF QUEEF - THIS RATING IS AN ABSOLUTE GAS. Like many inventions, ratings often have to be run as trials, with adjustments made as necessary to correct for deficiencies in the instrument. Based on the submissions received so far, please, if you want a rating, be sure the video camera or cell phone is close enough to your kitty, so that its "meow" is audible enough to rate effectively. Or use a remote mic. So you think you might be the Queen of Queef, the Sass Gas Lass? Put your talent to the test. Send a short vid clip of your performance and it will be rated on a system developed by the Queef Relief Institute that uses a 5 point scale for such qualities as volume/decibels, duration, expressiveness, etc. The vid will be deleted after evaluation to protect your privacy and trademark Queef quarry. Half of the proceeds will go the the Queef Relief Institute's "Queefing As Alternative Energy" research initiatives. SPECIAL TODAY ONLY GET THE QUEEF AND THE FLATULENCE RATING BOTH FOR THE PRICE OF ONE $2

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SISSY OUTING CHALLENGE PACK (ARE YOU MS. PRISS ENOUGH?) You've been a closet sissy, and you desire to be seen for the femme you are, even if for only a few minutes. Imagine the exhilaration as you step out in your College Cheerleader's outfit, or Nurse's outfit, or maybe even the coveted risqué French Maid's outfit. Here is a 3-pack set of digitally delivered sissy exposure challenges, each with increased exposure of your sissy-self to the world, and interactions with others, moving from more private to more public. You pay for the bundle and they release to you one at a time only after submitting proof that you have accomplished the expectations of each set of instructions and received feedback on your sissy performance. The instructions get increasingly creative and risky, with the capstone as a real achievement in claiming your inner self in public. 20.00

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DIRECT. HONEST. MADE IN AMERICA BY A NATIVE AMERICAN CAMELTOE RATINGS - Do you secretly admire your Cameltoe, or that of another? Let's put your Toe to the test. Send a few photos of your Toe and it will be rated on a 5 point scale for such qualities depth, protrusion, etc. The photo will be deleted after evaluation to protect your privacy and trademark. No camels were harmed and no toes were stepped on during the making of this listing. @$2

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BLOWJOB TO GO Do you really need an explanation? OK. In some ancient cultures, semen was seen as a source of life force, vitality, or wisdom. Eating cum also had ritualistic or symbolic meanings. In the modern era, eating cum is generally considered safe for most people, though some may experience allergies. Semen contains trace nutrients and some studies suggest it may have antidepressant properties. I make no guarantees or warranties that my milk has any of those properties. But you never know until you try. Perhaps you could start a cum taster's club, complete with a monthly journal and review of providers on ATW. Start here. $20 plus $5 shipping to continental USA only. 20.00 USD

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